How to Plan the Perfect Proposal from Square One: Step by Step Guide
“How do you plan a proposal from square one?”
I got this question a few days ago when talking with one of my soon-to-be grooms. He knows his partner will say yes, but he isn’t exactly the planning type. After talking with him, I realized how hard it can be to literally just START the proposal planning. So, ya girl decided it would be smart to put together a FULL Step by Step guide on planning a proposal from square one.
For those wondering- when I asked my partner Cody, he suggested a slow approach of “Ask subtle hints for months to several years to note what your partner would want and then execute the plan accordingly.” Although it’s great to listen to your partner’s wants subtly, I’d actually recommend keeping the conversations about wants around marriage and proposals open ESPECIALLY if the other partner tends to be a planner type.
Below, we’ll go through a checklist in order of How to Plan Your Proposal, from ring shopping down to the very day. I’ll go in depth with each item. If you like to skim articles like me, feel free to skip down to the simple checklist below.
Step 1: Find Partner, fall in love…together
Okay this is a joke. But in all seriousness, be sure to have a few marriage conversations before you propose. You want to be on the same page and timeline. With all the romanticism that’s around weddings, some people like to plan out their weddings like their careers, and some want something a little more spontaneous.
Step 2: Start Brainstorming the Plan
Reflect on your partner's personality and preferences. What kind of proposal would THEY truly appreciate? An activity? Something at home? A local event? (See my blog post for more in depth tips on proposal ideas )
Decide on a budget for the ring, venue, and other expenses.
Consider the timing and location of the proposal. Will it be a surprise or a planned event?
Think about who to involve in the planning process (friends, family, vendors?).
Pro tip: Keeping everything a full surprise? Involving friends and family is a great way to learn EXACTLY what your partner wants without giving any spoilers. You can ask the friends to casually spark a conversation with your partner about ring preferences, what they always dreamed of. You’d be surprised what conversations might have already been had with them.
Step 3: Get the Ring
Research budget, size, shape, materials and ring setting. Brilliant Earth Guide and The knot ring guide both have excellent guides to help with this.
Find your partner’s preferences
Ask Directly or “indirectly over months and months and months”
Have friends/family ask. You’d be amazing how casually that can come up in a group chat. They can even send you screenshots of the rings they said they wanted
Go together “on a whim” to a ring spot and window shop. This is great to do when you’re on a vacation in a new city and exploring the city.
Get their ring size measured discreetly, or use a printable ring sizer. Another great time to involve a friend. Once, my friend tricked me by telling me her boyfriend wanted to buy her a ring, so she wanted us to both mutually get our ring sizes.
Step 4: Plan the Proposal
Decide what you’re doing + Find partner’s preferences
Is it going to be a full surprise or not? Public or private? Will family be there? Or will they be coming afterwards? Would your partner prefer family to not be involved? Will it be a big public display of affection? Or an intimate affair just the two of you? Will it be a scavenger hunt? Or a surprise date?
Tip: The above is the most important foundation. Maybe you’re an extrovert but your partner is a introvert. They might prefer something private and intimate.
Enlist friends/family members to help you plan or execute the plan
Decide when and where
Hire vendors. A few might be:
Photographer, Videographer, Event Planner, Florist, Picnic companies
Obviously at minimum, I think you should hire a photographer and probably a florist. For my team, we like to help you with the planning a give you a little session right after you bend the knee. See Examples here.
Step 5: Prep Your Partner for the Day of
Whether you hire a pro, family member or just take a selfie, your partner is likely going to want at least a photo of the ring on their hand. THIS MEANS THEY NEED TO KNOW TO LOOK “NICE” ON THE DAY OF THE PROPOSAL. This means nails, makeup, hair, and dress code.
For us ladies, they probably want their nails done. This is an important one. Many people won’t take a photo or share one of the ring unless their nails look great. Enlist a friend or family member to casually suggest to get their nails done a few days before this. OR when they’re having a stressful day, take them to get their nails done as a treat. Heads up! If this is not normal for your partner, it might be a flag that you’re up to something. Don’t be afraid to be sneaky about this. Heck, my partner will even go for a mani pedi day with me. It’s a good decoy.
Give them an event or prompt to dress nice. Going to a cute themed brunch, a nice dinner afterwards, maybe it’s a celebratory day that you two already planned to dress nicely for. I had a client propose right before a graduation dinner before which they both naturally dressed up for. We LOVE using photo sessions as a decoy. Sometimes photos on a beach work out great for this. You can let your partner book their favorite photographer and then you contact the photographer letting them know your plan before the session. It’s a perfect decoy!
Get in the headspace together: Do something you both LOVE together the morning of or the night before. This could be a favorite movie with all their favorite snacks. Or going to your favorite museum. Taking your partner to do some of their favorite things. Whatever it is, plan something where you two can connect together. Revisiting your favorite local spots together is another good one. Don’t act weird, just be you!
Step 6: Do the Dang Thing
Practice what you want to say beforehand to feel confident and prepared.
Focus on expressing your love and commitment in a genuine and heartfelt way. They love you for you so being yourself in this is all they’ll want.
Savor the moment and enjoy the celebration with your partner!
Additional tips:
Enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member to keep the proposal a secret. For real. This one is SO helpful.
Consider getting your partner's family's blessing beforehand (optional). Some southerners still love this.
Don’t forget to celebrate afterwards! Try a nice dinner or an engagement party with friends and family!
Most importantly, relax, be yourself, and let your love shine through!
Hiya! I’m Michelle!
I’m your “coulda-been-a-bridesmaid” photographer. Your photos should look and feel like you. We work beside you through your planning process so that come wedding day it feels like you’ve got a best friend beside you with the side bonus of breathtaking memories captured in a way that’s intimate and personal to you.
